Should I Get Married?

tl;dr: If one of us would sincerely enjoy it — I should.

I was eating alone at a diner. Beside me, 3 women were discussing reasons to marry. Being in an unmarried relationship for the past 8 years (as of 2019), I probably lengthily discussed every possible reason. So obviously, I started passive-aggressively arguing every claim they had — in my head (I’m polite).

It’s important to point out that all the arguments below (except the last) are only valid if I don’t want to get married. Assuming the arguments below are in favor of marriage, they would only help me go forward with what I already want to do. If I don’t want to get married, such that marriage would only be a burden on me (physically/emotionally/financially) — these arguments can arguably make me do it anyway.

Because Family

A surprising amount of couples told me they got married mostly because of their families. Neither our families hinted they care about this, so I’ll have to put my imagination to work in order to argue that statement.

If one of our families appreciated us getting married, it would be a pretty flimsy desire in comparison to what we’ll have to go through to fulfill this appreciation. On the other hand if one of our families required us to get married, e.g. by threatening expulsion, that would be a pretty shitty “family”. If anyone conditions their relationship with me upon something that doesn’t directly affect them, they are objectively shitty — especially family.

If my family or friend conditioned their relationship with me on my religious beliefs, line of work, or way of life, they are discarding me — not the other way around.

Because Babies

Another big argument from couples is that they should get married because they want to have kids.

To my knowledge, in most western countries my child will not be forsaken if I don’t get married. It will not be thrown to the wolves, I will easily be considered its guardian, and I will be able to name it whatever I want. It will inherit my estate when I die, I will be able to love it and it me.

Can I physically give birth while unmarried? Well no, I’m a male, but conceptually — yes.

Should I physically give birth at all? Out of scope so feel free to skip this —

High up in the list of pollutants are people. We are destroying the planet. There are more than double the amount of people today than there were in the 1970s. I will not change any statistics, I will not help humanity survive, I will only burn A LOT of resources and hurt the surrounding people and nature alike. All that just to succumb to another genetic desire. Adopt.

Because Bureaucracy

Institutions are most familiar with couples being married, so it might be difficult signing all these papers saying “yes, we are a couple” but “no, we are not married”.

The difficulty and expense of getting married is probably equivalent to a 100 years of that. Imagine how much it would cost me to have someone handle all bureaucracies for even 20 years — it’s just cost-effective!

Because Commitment

I can name many things that “encourage” me to stay with my significant other after a long relationship: Our apartment, our pets, our friends, our families, my routines, my fleshly desires, my fears. Would adding “paperwork” to the list change the balance? Probably not.

Should I nudge myself to stay obligated to my partner? Out of scope again so you may want to skip this too —

Relationships are hard, and are sometimes worth it. They are definitely not worth it when the participants don’t want it. It is always worse regardless of being married, and especially when having a child. If anything — we should have fewer barriers for the sake of our well being. I’m with you because I want. to be.

Because Gifts

I feel uneasy just reading this title. But I have to, I have to be comprehensive…

Guests will pay me money, and if I do this right I can come out turning a profit. However, I have decided that I will not forcefully take other people’s money, but that’s just my personal preference.

Because Society

A big point is that I would be treated differently by society. My kids might be mocked at school, government officials might take a second look, and my neighbors might find out!

Welcome to being a minority. Having an attribute that affects no one but gets me treated differently. Should I convert my religion? Should I change the color of my skin? Should I not love? What burden should I bear for the immoral people of this age?

I don’t know, this is a tough question.

Because Fun

Finally a good argument! If either of us would enjoy it, that’s great! It’s not easy to find things I like doing, and I should strive to do each and every one of them during my short stay here.

If that’s my only reason, it might be a good idea to make a list of exactly what I would enjoy. Is it the religious aspect? The party? The cloth? The food? Maybe I actually like something that’s not a tradition, like nature? Or water fights? There’s no box to think inside of anymore!

Like so many other things in life, I should do what I want to do.

Note to self: Remember to replace all “I” with “you”.